ALONE.

I have found almost everything about love to be true. Shakespeare said; "Journeys end in lovers meeting". What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I'm constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said; "Love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably, love fades. For others, love is simply lost. But then, of course, love can also be found, even just for a night. And then, there's another kind of love, the cruelest kind; it's called unrequited love.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us who falls in love alone?

What then?

Maybe my happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's me, on my own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing myself up for something better in the future.

Maybe my happy ending is just moving on.

Melancholic Thursday.

"There's always some madness in love, but, there's also some reason in madness." - Nietzsche
 

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that I didn't know I had inside me. It doesn't matter how many haircuts or gyms I join, or how many cases of beer I drink with my friends, I still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what I did wrong or how could I have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment I could think that I was happy.

Sometimes, I even convince myself that he'll see the light and show up at my door. And after all that, however long "all that" may be, I know I'll go somewhere new. I will meet people who will make me feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of my soul will finally come back.

All that fuzzy stuff, those years of my life that I wasted, they will eventually begin to fade.

by: samandmiko.blogspot.com

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

Here I am, waiting for a text
A text from you saying you're okay
And there you are working on your desk
Not minding your cellphone
With three messages from me.

Here I am in my apartment
Where I have been smoking this sadness out
And there you are a hundred miles away from here
Have you been preoccupied?
Without any thoughts of me.

Here are my peers, saying it'll be okay
With all of my doubts not believing it will be
And there you are happy as a bee
Did you find someone
Much more better than me?

Here I am ever so hopeless
Wishfully thinking that you and I will be
More than friends you and me.
I'll let every teardrop fall down my cheek
To show the world I cried for love.

:c

HOPE.

I know, what was I thinking, right?

I'm happy, I'm content, now my life makes perfect sense - but I was completely wrong. 

I lay in bed, thinking about you all night. Are we on the same page? As I think about you, I always see that crooked smile. A smile I love. A smile that's like a key to a secret door that only kindred spirits could enter. 

But now I feel so alone. I never thought someone could possibly feel this grief. Can I endure all this agony? I should've expected right from the start - no, I should've restrained myself from you. No man will ever take me seriously. I mean, what was I thinking - presuming anything from you? 

I tried to perceive that excruciating feeling you made me feel. But you lost me there. My mind was hiding in the shadows. I held the blackness of nonexistence at bay by inches. My heart was sinking in the ocean of sorrows. I'm not Atlas, but it seems that the world is pressing down on me. Is this how if feels to be emotionally spurned?

I tried to contemplate on what you were saying. But I couldn't bare it. I listened hard. Something sharper than knives ripped through me—the words, making sense in spite of the other anguish.

Reality had come on so fast.

And, for a never-ending space, that was all there was. Just the fiery torture. Nothing else, not even time. So that made it infinite, with no beginning and no end. One infinite moment of pain.

The pain was bewildering.

Let me die, let me die, let me die.

How long had passed? Seconds or minutes? Numb. I couldn’t feel. I still couldn’t see, either, but I could hear.

But I know myself better than that! I know that this numbing feeling will pass. What's there to hold on to? So now I'd like to believe that time will heal.

Hopefully.

Friends are forever.

Maler, words can't even describe how thankful I am to you. You have helped me a lot, and I do mean a lot. You have helped me financially, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually, to say the least. You are my safe border every time the world is at its cruelest. You have been there for me from the start, and I know that you are going to be there with me - fight to the finish. 

Sometimes I'd think why are we even best friends. And then it struck me. The reason behind all our arguments are our differences. And that's what made us tick. What other best friends have been through could not compare on what we have undergone. And this somewhat made me whole.

And when there's a word that would express my gratitude to you, I would definitely use it. But for now, I'd say; Thank You. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for speaking up for me. And thank you for walking with me, in this narrow road I call life.

You have been my friend for almost six years now, and you have been my best friend. But now, I thought, no, you are not my best friend, you're my soul sister. |

" Yel, mana mi, mangaon nata, so anhi na sa carindirs.".

That is the first message Ming sends me everyday. It's the message that reminded me that I have to hit the showers. The message that reminds me of a new day - a new day full of hope.

Ming has always been my uplifter, even though there's no reason waking up tomorrow morning. He helped me understand the world and its full context. From boys, to sex, to magic, to God, to science - name it, and he readies a full laid answer that puts you out of your misery.

Don't belittle yourself Ming, because, I, we, are grateful to have you in our lives. And i know that someone, somewhere - that goes by the code name, Lex Luthor - is grateful having you around.

How can I ever forget you Ming? I mean, who could forget Ming? Who could ever forget this vicious diva! |

Nicole is the wackiest and silliest friend anyone can have.

Nicole has been my delusional friend and my "about to loose her mind" friend. And I love her for that.

Kul, you are the one that keeps on reminding me that there is going to be tomorrow. You are the one that comforts me, when I need a friend. And the one that reminded me and assured me that I have a friend named Nicole Teves, at times when I think that everyone was giving up on me.

How do you do it Kul? You let problems slip by so easy. You let me think that sorrow was last week's emotion with one crack of a joke. And when I get bored, I'd just sing; " Ayaw pang luod kay wa nakoy load, ayaw pag mahay kay wa koy reply". *laughs

You truly are the cherry on top; the life of the party. |

" Ka hot ni DK ui."

Now there's something you don't hear everyday. And on who else's mouth can you hear those words? None other than Brhya's.

But beneath her really twisted mind, lies a very soft heart.

Was I right in that description? Or was I just blinded by the mask Brhya shows us all?

It's just that sometimes I'd think whether she likes me or not. But then she'll flash that "innocent" smile to you and says, "love love". Then you are smiling again.

Brhya Paige, you have been always been offering your help to me without hesitation. That you'd stop what you're doing just to see me at McDonald's or at Starbucks every time I felt so alone. You have been always so loving and caring, and I admired you for that. And who else would call me "Yela dear"? With that, and above all, I know you are a friend. BTW, I'm sorry if I haven't changed the polish of my nail yet - I have been so busy. *laughs

Don't ever show her a broken nail, or an unpolished finger. Or she will draw you a threatening map to Jeeb's. |

"Guys always notice me because of my boobs".

Oops, Gj did it again. Duher? Who would not notice her boobs? Even dogs go drooling, when Gj is around. Who would not stare at those perfectly curved and perfectly crafted boobs of hers.

Gij, I couldn't describe you more - other than my twilight saga buddy".
You have understood my love for Edward Cullen, and you have been speaking up for me - when I can't think of a perfect comeback - from our critic friends, whenever the subject crossed our minds. 

You have always been so thoughtful Gij. The way you speak; that childish voice of yours soothes me and relaxes me and makes me forget about today's problems. 

I love you, you know that, right? |

"I miss you is an overused phrase, but when Ynez says this to you, it feels just quite right.

Nez, you have understood me and loved me even if I'm not an ordinary friend. You have always been so kind to me, and I appreciate that. 

You have always been there, eager enough to listen to me - I may descibe you as my listening ear. You have been there to listen to me, at times when everyone doesn't even care to bother.

Don't change that Nez, because I have always appreciated that trait of yours. |

And of course; Pagee.

Pagee possesses that bubbly aura and happy go lucky personality - of which I am very thankful.

Pagee, you have always been a comfort to me. Your smile that is like heaven. Your wide smile against your chubby cheeks that had always been like a key to a secret door where only kindred spirits could enter. 

You have always been there Pagee. You have always been so generous, so eager to know on what's been bothering me. You have always been a good counselor when I need one - more like my mom actually.

I hope you won't be bothered about me resting my head on your boobs, because I will always be doing that for the rest of my life. |


I thank you all for those encouragements that helped me finished this book.

JK!!

Friends, I may not say much but I love you all. And you all should know that there's always a special seat for you in my hypothalamus.

To my closest friends.

Marings, you guys have played a very important role in my life today, and I want to thank you all, for always and constantly being there for me. You guys are the strength that I take in. I may not say much, but I love you.

Daimpaul was the first one I really got to know. And before I knew her, I knew that she's going to be a great friend. I find her extremely sexy; I can even remember having a crush on her. HAHA. ..Maring, you have always been so caring and loving; I have always and will be appreciating that. You offered a hand at times when I needed help without asking so much in return. You lent your shoulders for me to cry on, for which I am forever grateful.

To Joder: You have been my call and texting buddy. "ano ba, big brother" is a phrase I got from you. I have revered every moment I had spent with you. You have brought delight within me that I have never wished unlocked. You have been there from the start, and I know you'll always be there for me. You have been my companion in getting a fake a receipt, and a friend when my bag was snatched. HAHA. But yet, we were so happy. You have always been helpful to me - that I can seem to test.

Mitsilog: Maring, I can't dare to start this without super thanking you for all of the things that you have done for me. So thank you. You have helped me a lot; A LOT. You have introduced me to your loving parents for which I am also thankful. You and your parents have injected within me the value of turning to God, and working hard. Again, thank you. You have always been there for me, in times that are both good and bad. What is more to ask from a friend like you. You have inserted in my mind the thought that life is good; and thus it is worth living.

Mau brought joy and compassion in me and to the life of others. ..Maring, you have always made me laugh at times when I was near ground. You were always so concern and caring; which I most love about you. Thank you for feeding me and for constantly checking up on me. You have helped me, though through small things, but I thank you big time.

To Pyk and Shaira whom I just got close to; thank you. Thank you Pyk for the laughs and advices that you gave. And to Shaira, the wits, guts and sense of humor that I fervor of you. 


From the words of wisdom, to caring and loving me, Thank You Friends. I so much want to freeze time whenever I am with you all. I hope I never caused trouble, harm and hassles Marings, because that is what I'll most regret in my life. I said "thank you" a lot of times and I'm going to say it again. Thank You Friends. And I love you without any medications.


:D